What Harry Didn't Know
by fantasticarla
Summary: MWPP. The real story behind Lily and Snape's ill-fated relationship. Also contains some slash. T for language and sexual references, although it may go up as I continue.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! Yes, it's been while, I know. I apologize. I plan on adding to my other stories, too...at least, the ones that require additions. Anyway, more of that later. This is my first time writing MWPP, and I really like it, so I hope you enjoy. Unfortunately it's a WIP but I promise to do my best to update frequently, despite college and work and other annoyances. **

"_After all this time?"_

"_Always."_

**1.**

It was these moments Lily almost wished she could freeze and bottle, always able to open and relive at her fancy. Yes, it was always during class, a strange time for such sentiments, but there was a blissful lack of expectations, of worries, no jostling elbows or bawdy jokes from the boys, followed by James' embarrassed and apologetic smile, no giggling, nosy questions about aspects of her boyfriend she'd rather keep to herself. No, in Advanced Potions, there was only Severus and her, working efficiently in the second row, third station, _their_ station since first year. It was one of their many pointless traditions, in a long line of inside jokes, whispered and scribbled during their hour together four times a week. And it pained Lily more than she cared to admit that their time together would soon draw to a close, in just three short months.

"If you daydream any longer this twillroot steam is going to turn all that pretty hair yellow," Severus chastised. Lily jumped and quickly added the proper measurement of dried vole bits, stirring the hissing concoction until it settled into a thin grey liquid.

"Thanks for the warning," Lily returned dryly. Peering closely and wrinkling her nose, she added, "Sev, you may be getting rusty; this looks nothing like it should by this stage."

"Oh ye of little faith. Just watch." Adding a drop of myrtle sap every four clockwise stirs, the potion turned a stunning, aquamarine blue, the desired result a full half hour earlier than anyone else in the class. Snape sat back, folding his arms and smirking, as Lily rolled her eyes.

"Okay, okay, all hail the brilliant Severus, who can do no wrong. If you're not careful you'll injure yourself kissing your own ass."

"Jealousy is not a good look on you, sweetheart."

"We'll see who's jealous when I pull an O on the final."

"Surely you're not proposing a childish competition which will only end in tears? For you, I mean."

"I'm also proposing that you're an arrogant bastard."

"That…I will not contest." At this, Lily glanced at Snape and snorted loudly before bursting into laughter, the bubbly kind that was hard to quell because it wasn't appropriate for the surroundings. As the students around them looked over, annoyed at the interruption, Severus glared back, asking harshly, "What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a student who's inhaled too much asphodel?" which made Lily laugh even harder, becoming red faced and wiping her eyes.

"We're not even working with asphodel today…are we?" they heard one student inquire worriedly to their partner, and at that, Lily and Severus' eyes met and they immediately had to cover their faces to keep from laughing out loud. It was that kind of day.

"Well, it's a welcome change to see a smile on your face, Severus!" Professor Slughorn beamed, sidling up to their station. "I've always said, Potions can be quite the pleasurable experience, isn't that right, Miss Evans?"

Lily straightened, still red-faced, and nodded. "Yes, Professor, I agree."

"Absolutely spiffing," Severus added, which set Lily off on another round of giggles.

"I say, what a chipper pair the two of you are this morning! And—let us see here…" Slughorn leaned over to inspect their assignment, stirring it slightly, then sniffing it- "Another flawless potion, I am not surprised! Thirty points to both Slytherin and Gryffindor for another admirable display of teamwork! Excellent, excellent work," he declared, smiling warmly at the two before moving on to look over the other students' work.

"Quite the _pleasurable_ experience, indeed," Severus snorted. "When will you stop toying with the poor man's emotions?"

"Please don't start, I've just had breakfast," Lily groaned. "It's not even funny."

"It certainly isn't. He is a poor man besotted, plagued by a Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name. Have a heart."

Lily regarded Severus, sitting there twirling his quill and smirking, dark eyes glittering with mirth behind strands of dark hair that came loose from his ponytail. Times like this she secretly thought he was rather handsome, perhaps not in the rugged, earthy way James was, but his self-assured and quietly playful air gave him a certain glow that, sadly, only seemed to come to life when she was around. She obviously knew the reason for this, the reason he had stopped speaking to her for a week when she began openly dating James, but it was something they now carefully overstepped and avoided, an accepted understanding of what could never be.

But this, their friendship was enough.

It was almost enough.

"You're disgusting," Lily stated, as Slughorn dismissed class and began collecting half-finished potions from the frazzled students. "Stop taking the piss or I'll tell Dumbledore that it was you who put that Avisien Potion in all those first years' pumpkin juice last weekend."

Severus doled out a sizable sample to submit, snapping the lid shut tight and rolling his eyes. "I don't get my kicks out of watching hundreds of brats suddenly take wing," he shot back. "I'd say there's a better of chance of that being on your _boyfriend's_ list of pranks." He then flinched momentarily, as if realizing what he'd said, and an uncomfortably silent moment passed, in which the smile slowly fell from Lily's face.

"_Evanesco_," she intoned, clearing away the remaining potion and gathering the materials to put back into the supply closet. She hated when he got like that, all snippy and spiteful. It was as if the minute class ended, they were back to their "rightful" place, on either side of the giant Gryffindor-Slytherin divide. The classroom suddenly became quiet, the last remnants of students' conversations fading away as the door closed.

Snape inwardly groaned, putting away his textbook, notebook, and quill before picking up his bag and following her to the closet. "Lily, wait—"

"Sev, isn't your next class all the way in the East Tower? You're going to be late." Lily closed the doors of the closet and shouldered past him, brushing her hair over to one shoulder before leaning over to collect her things.

Severus hated this feeling, he hated that she was with an arse like James Potter, he hated that he still wasn't over her, he hated that he could only have her for a couple hours a week before their strange connection was severed again. He opened his mouth to snap at her, to apologize, to say…anything, but another voice spoke before he could, one that he'd do almost anything to never hear again.

"Hey there, Snivellus, don't you have somewhere to be? A Slytherin revel, perhaps? Why don't you go compare dark marks with your friends?" James was clearly in his element today, striding in the room proudly, a wide grin stretched across his tanned face.

"Goddammit, James Potter, will you give it a rest?" Lily cried angrily, seemingly on the verge of tears. James looked startled, raising his eyebrows as she stalked over to him.

"Babe, you have to know he's a—"

"I'm a _what_, Potter?" Severus seethed, his wand under James' chin in a flash. "Go on and say it, because I'm sure you've already been gossiping about me with your pathetic little Gryffindor minions anyway." James immediately pulled out his wand also, training it on his heart.

Lily gasped. "Stop it! Severus, don't—"

"_Severus_, huh?" James asked Lily mockingly, although still glaring at the slightly shorter boy with pure hatred. "Do you braid each others' hair, too?"

There was a loud bang, and the two boys flew apart, apparently having cast two different curses at the same time. Lily ran over to James, who was struggling to sit up and sporting a torn lower lip, glasses cracked down the middle. He looked up at her and winced in pain as she snatched his glasses off his face, quickly casting a _Reparo_ and tossing them back onto his chest.

"Lily—" he began, nearly letting out a sob as his lip throbbed and bled profusely. He clumsily attempted to heal it for the time being, leaving a scar that Madame Pomfrey would be able to vanish. "I'm—"

But she was already crossing the room to Severus, roughing wiping angry tears from her face. He braced himself on Slughorn's desk as he drew himself up, wobbling, his left eye completely black and swollen. Lifting his bag once more, this time he pushed past her, limping out of the classroom without even looking at her. Turning around to face James, she felt something in her begin to shatter.

"Lily, please," James blurted before she could say anything. He, too, was limping, although not as badly as Severus, and he tried to take her hand. She snatched it away, disgusted.

"I can't even stand to look at you right now," she said quietly, her voice thick with tears, before leaving the classroom and slamming the door.

**Love it? Hate it? I won't know if you don't revieeeeew! : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**SHAZAM! New chapter. Enjoy.**

**2.**

"Merlin's hairy balls, what the hell happened to you, mate?" Sirius exclaimed in alarm as James dragged himself through the door of their dormitory half an hour later. He'd gone to Pomfrey for help with his lip, but after hearing what had happened she had refused to heal it, then giving him a lecture on how immature his 'rivalry' with Snape was, especially now that they were on the verge of graduating. Her grating tones had only intensified his headache, and all he wanted to do was sleep before his next class.

Well, he actually wanted to beg forgiveness of Lily on bended knee, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed near her for quite some time. The thought made his heart contract painfully.

"Jamesies."

James grunted from his bed.

"Care to tell your dear concerned friend why you look like a donkey's arse?"

"Snape," James spat. There was silence for a couple seconds.

"Snivellus did this to you. So am I to surmise that the greasy git is now dead?"

"Unfortunately, he lives." James paused. "Lily would never speak to me again if she heard me say that."

"Yes, she is rather disturbingly fond of him, isn't she," Sirius mused, then raised his eyebrows at James' snarl. "Whoa. Maybe you should tell me the whole story."

"Where's Moony and Worms?"

"Where else? Moony's in the library and Peter is doing Peterly things, probably got distracted by a bit of cheese on his way back to the common room or something. Now tell me what conspired this morning before I die of curiosity."

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius leaned back and whistled. "Mate, you fucked up."

"I actually was aware. But thanks."

"Like, bad. I don't know if she'll take you back."

"We didn't actually break up!" James glared at Sirius, who was inspecting his toes thoughtfully. "She never said 'it's over' or anything close!"

"She said she couldn't even look at you? I'm not hearing any wedding bells."

"Some mate you are," James grumbled, lying back down and gingerly touching his lip. It was still pretty sore.

"Hey! I resent that."

"Well then tell me something I want to hear, something to give me some sort of hope, not just assurances that our relationship has gone to shit."

"Well, mate, all I can say is, if you don't do something drastic, she'll probably never forgive you."

"Drastic? Like what?"

"I can't believe I'm even saying this, but you're probably going to have to apologize to Snivellus."

Remus had just entered the room and caught the end of Sirius' sentence. Looking from one bed to the other, he shook his head and declared, "I surely must be mad if I just heard that James is going to apologize to Snape."

James looked over mournfully, slowly accepting his fate. "You're sane as ever, Moony."

"Bugger."

* * *

"Miss Evans? If I may have a word?" Dumbledore seemingly came out of nowhere, gently pressing a hand to her shoulder. She nodded numbly, following him up the steps leading to his office.

"Please, have a seat. Chocolate truffle?" he offered, gesturing to the box of candy on the corner of his desk. Lily shook her head silently, wondering what this meeting was about.

Dumbledore sat back in his chair and looked at the obviously distressed young woman before him. "It is not often I see you quite so upset. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?"

Lily sighed shakily, trying to hold back tears. If she could talk to anyone, it was Dumbledore, who'd always seemed to have a special regard for her. But she couldn't help feeling like it was old news, this ridiculous enmity between her boyfriend and best friend. She wasn't even sure why this fight, out of what was probably hundreds, had affected her so.

"James and Severus. They still…hate each other, so much, and I just wish that for once they wouldn't try to kill each other every time they so much as cross paths," Lily confessed, wringing her hands in her lap. "I don't think they know how much it hurts me." She quickly wiped a tear from her cheek and tucked a lock of copper red hair behind her ear, looking down.

"I'm assuming they recently had another altercation?" Dumbledore asked pensively, looking troubled.

Lily nodded. "It was…bad. James said some horrible things—" Lily suddenly looked up, eyes shining wetly. "Professor, I know this is probably crossing some sort of line, but…do you know anything about…followers of Voldemort in Hogwarts? Students, I mean?"

Dumbledore sighed heavily. "Lily, I will not lie: I do know there are certain families who wish for their children to join Tom Riddle's rising forces. And to answer your unspoken question, no, I am not sure that the Snapes are one of those families."

Lily let out a nervous breath, but Dumbledore continued:

"However, I am concerned about Severus. He is an exceptionally talented young man, perceptive and intelligent, but I do worry that his constant isolation and quickness to anger are warning signs. I find that students who are, for the most part, ignored or taunted, are more commonly drawn to groups where they feel a sense of acceptance they have been sorely lacking." Dumbledore seemed to be looking far away now, and Lily felt a stab of fear as she watched him seem to age ten years before her eyes.

"I am aware that you are quite close to Severus, though," Dumbledore suddenly added, giving her a small smile. "Professor Slughorn cannot stop singing your praises."

Lily remembered how only hours before she and Severus had nearly laughed together until they cried. Would it always be like this? This awful doubt and worry almost immediately following such happiness?

"We do get along quite well, sir. It's just becoming harder to reconcile…"

"I understand completely, Miss Evans. It is a delicate balance, one that needs to be maintained with utmost care."

"But I don't know what to do anymore, Professor. I…I do love James, but I also…" Lily broke off, coloring slightly at the prospect of discussing relationship matters with Dumbledore. "It's just hard."

"As are all things that are most important. I trust that you will do what you see fit," Dumbledore replied gently.

Lily swallowed and nodded, feeling no less torn but not particularly wanting to discuss it further. But… "Professor, was that…the reason you wanted to speak to me?"

Dumbledore looked grave again. "I'm afraid not. I am very sorry to have to tell you this now, but I thought you should know…"

* * *

Usually Severus had no problem with the intricate equations in Arithmancy, but today his mind was millions of miles away from whatever Professor Vector was diagramming on the board. Diligently copying the numbers and figures into his notebook, he looked for all the world as if he was paying attention, but all he could think of was the color of Lily's hair, the way she had so easily switched from his Lily to James'—well no, not quite, he thought, almost smiling to himself. From what it looked like before he left, James was in no better shape than he was.

The fact of the matter was, though, no matter how much James angered her, she would always take him back. Because they were James Potter and Lily Evans, Gryffindor's golden couple. They would get married, of course, and have perfect children that would grow up to become as famous and loved as they were.

How could someone as horrible as James Potter deserve such a gift as Lily Evans? Severus dropped his quill and put his head in his hands, feeling that all-too familiar twisting ache in his chest whenever he thought about Lily too much.

Which was all the time.

"Mr. Snape? Is there a problem?" Professor Vector asked suddenly, pausing his lesson and giving everyone a chance to turn around.

Snape sat up and stared up front attentively. "No sir, just a small headache."

"See Madam Pomfrey after class. In the meantime, try to focus, please?" The sharp eyed man re-adjusted his glasses and went back to the board. Various students snickered before turning back around, and Severus forced all thoughts of Lily aside and focused on his notes.

**You can either try to guess what Dumbledore's going to tell Lily, and put said conjectures in a lovely review! Or you could just go to the next chapter. My bet is on the latter. But a review would be nice too.**


	3. Chapter 3

**YES, a third chapter! Rejoice! Read! Review! (Alliteration!) **

**3.**

"So what was that about earlier, with James and Snape?" Remus asked without looking up from his book. They were relaxing in the common room, Sirius lying on the couch controlling a few paper planes in the air with his wand, and Remus reading ahead for Defense Against the Dark Arts in a squashy chair. A gaggle of fourth year girls watched Sirius from a corner, giggling and shushing each other incessantly, while some of their male classmates looked from the girls to their object of their affections resentfully. Completely normal day in Gryffindor, in other words.

Sirius sighed. "Same old, same old. James probably gave the old git the stink eye and then Lily flipped a shit."

"I'm sure it was a bit more serious than that, seeing as James had a split lip," Remus commented lightly. But he did agree--it was getting a bit old.

"Whatever." Sirius said dismissively, flicking his wand absentmindedly, causing one airplane to zoom towards the Common Room portrait at a rather alarming speed, which of course just happened to be opening. "Watch out!" he warned loudly.

"Gah-what the hell-" Peter dropped his books and threw his arms over his face, cowering. Sirius couldn't help but snicker.

"Sorry, mate."

"You could have blinded me!" Peter glared, lowering his arms as the missile dropped to the ground in front of him and gathering his scattered books.

"So sorry, old chap."

"Peter's right, Sirius, that is dangerous. And your shoes shouldn't be on the couch, either," Remus admonished. To be honest, it had been bothering him since Sirius had flung his muddy boots on the cushions nearly a half hour ago.

"Oi, so sorry Mum, I won't do it next time," Sirius grumbled, swinging his long legs off the side of the couch and standing up. "What are you reading, Moony, and please don't tell it's something we'll be studying six weeks from now in Transfiguration." He stretched slowly, yawning and angling his head to read the title of the book Remus had propped in his lap.

"It's actually Snow White and Seven Dwarves, with illustrations," Remus answered dryly, turning a page and glancing up to see a slim patch of skin revealed where Sirius' shirt rode up near his waist and looking back down quickly. "And added commentary by the author."

"Snow What? Are you raving?" Sirius shook his head. "Never mind. Wormtail, what say you to some yums yums from the kitchens? I'm feeling peckish."

Peter looked up quickly from the essay he had begun working on at a nearby desk and looked sheepish.

"Er…no, no thanks. I'm not-uh, hungry," he said uncomfortably. At this, Sirius' jaw fell open and Remus put down his book, eyes narrowed. Peter announcing that he wasn't hungry was akin to Dumbledore saying he listened to death metal, or Snape taking a proper shower.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed loudly, attracting the attention of the rest of the common room. Peter looked around, squirming uncomfortably.

"We did just eat," Remus said slowly, watching Peter carefully. This had never mattered before, Peter had a stomach akin to a bottomless pit, but he was curious about what brought about this change and knew he wouldn't discover anything unless Sirius left. The smaller boy nodded vigorously.

Sirius gave Peter one last disbelieving look and left, still chuckling to himself. Peter expelled a long breath, staring down at his homework with an odd expression.

"So do you want to tell me what that was all about? Honestly, Worms, this is a bit worrying," Remus joked. Peter jerked around and, to Remus' surprise, began to blush furiously.

"It's no-nothing," he stammered uneasily, suddenly checking his watch for no reason Remus could discern. "Never mind." he turned back around to his work just as the common room door banged open and a group of seventh year girls came in chattering loudly. Remus raised an eyebrow but went back to his book nonetheless, missing the way Peter's eyes followed Alice McKinnon adoringly as she passed by.

* * *

Lily splashed her face with cold water over and over again, feeling it soak into her shirt collar and drip down her arms. Shutting the faucet off, she placed her hands on the edges of the sink, surveying her dripping face in the mirror. For two long minutes she stood there, motionless, until her very reflection almost frightened her. Turning away and wiping her face and hands, she shouldered her bag and made her way quickly and quietly to the common room, keeping her eyes focused forward.

"Gillyroot," she intoned automatically at the portrait. The Fat Lady peered at her curiously.

"Well, you're back late. Are you al-"

"Gillyroot," Lily repeated, taking no notice of the Fat Lady's offended "Humph! Well, fine" and stepping in when the portrait opened. No sooner had she stepped in than James accosted her, his hair wild and eyes pleading.

"Lily, I'm so sorry, I hate when you're mad at me, can we just-" he broke off abruptly when he noticed her blank, emotionless stare. "Lils? What's wrong?" He grabbed her hand, concerned, and at his touch Lily seemed to crumple. "Lily!" he exclaimed as she practically collapsed on him, clinging to his neck tightly.

"My parents," she whispered fiercely, squeezing her eyes shut tightly against James' neck. "My parents are dead."

* * *

It had been quick, Dumbledore told her. The Killing Curse. Short, but brutal. Her sister had been away at school, and was now staying with their grandparents. Lily would be leaving early the next morning.

Apparently Voldemort was targeting muggles who had produced magical offspring across the country, something Dumbledore had long feared. Bolstered by his growing number of humble followers, or Death Eaters, he had the power to attack with more force, and less risk of being found. There were two other deaths that week, but no one else connected with Hogwarts in any way. The story would probably be overlooked in tomorrow's Daily Prophet, the Ministry unwilling to cause panic in the Wizarding population.

Before Severus even hit the last step on his way to the common room the next morning, he could sense something had happened. There was a strange, excited energy in the air, clusters of sixth and seventh year students whispering and giving each other knowing, almost triumphant, looks. Lucius Malfoy spotted Severus and smirked, not unkindly, cold grey eyes glittering, before coming over. Severus wouldn't have said they were friends exactly, but the blond has always seemed to respect him in a way that most didn't. He wondered for a moment if he should act if he knew what was going on, but realized Lucius probably already noticed the question in his eyes.

"Have you heard?" Lucius muttered to avoid being overheard.

"No," Severus admitted. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's finally starting." Lucius' voice is a mix of wonder and fear. "The Dark Lord has begun to make his move."

Ah, that explained it. Severus had heard his parents discuss in admiring tones the muggle-hating philosophy of this self-proclaimed Dark Lord, but hesitated to answer any of his questions when he showed interest. Most of his knowledge of Voldemort came from conversations in the Common Room and at the dinner table, where a number of his classmates with eagerly flaunted their scant knowledge of Death Eater activities. Severus personally felt little desire to join in these conversations, but he couldn't pretend it didn't intrigue him a bit.

"What exactly did that 'move' entail?" Severus asked, looking around the common room and wondering exactly whose parents had the Dark Mark branded into their arms.

Lucius smiled knowingly. "You'll see," he answered mysteriously. "Oh, there's Narcissa- see you later, Severus," he said distractedly, sneaking up behind the long haired blonde and sneaking his arms around her waist, making her jump and smack a grinning Lucius on the shoulder.

Snape momentarily wondered what Lucius' last remark was supposed to mean, but didn't give it much more thought as he made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He wondered how Lily was doing, and if she and James were still fighting. He certainly hoped so. That asshole didn't deserve--but where was she?

Snape tried not to look as if he was straining to find a familiar auburn head among the seventh year end of the Gryffindor table, but his efforts were in vain--Potter looked up, caught his roving eyes, and glared at Snape so fiercely he was a bit puzzled. Snape smirked back triumphantly, sure that he was still on the outs with Lily. Cheered, he went back to his French toast, deciding that Lily had probably skipped breakfast to avoid seeing the speccy git.

On his way to Transfiguration, his first class, Snape was bewildered to find hands suddenly shoving him roughly against a wall. He struggled to draw out his wand, his progress impeded by a hand now closing around his throat.

"Are you happy now? I hope you're real pleased with yourself, you _fucking piece of shit_," Potter hissed, angrier than Snape had ever seen him. Snape struggled against the larger boy's grip, well aware that starting a fight would only land him in detention, and he really didn't feel like being late for class because of Potter.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised you'd be quick to blame anyone but yourself," Snape taunted. "She was bound to realize what a wanker you were, sooner or later. Now if you're done with your temper tantrum, I have class to go to." Snape shoved his way forward, leaving a very puzzled Potter behind him.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Snape sighed and turned around. "Lily finally ditching your sorry arse. Was that not what you were talking about?"

James' regarded Snape with a cold expression for a minute before replying bluntly, "Lily's parents are dead."

Snape thought he'd misheard him at first; the words didn't seem to make any sense. "What?" he asked blankly.

"Dead. Murdered. By your _Dark Lord_. Can you understand that?" Potter stalked up to him until they were nose to nose. "If you ever fucking come near her again, I swear you will regret it."

Snape watched him walk away, frozen to the spot and realization flooding him. _You'll see_, Lucius has said. The triumphant, almost reverent whispers in the common room. Lily, head bowed in a cold graveyard, watching her parents' coffins being lowered into the ground. Snape turned and kept walking towards his class, stomach churning sickeningly and wanting to punch something.

**Sad. Chapter 4 in the works. Who's willing to offer some motivation...? :D**


End file.
